good-bye, Buddy

Buddy passed away yesterday afternoon.

Sal and I are beyond sad... deeply sad.  We loved Buddy so very much, and felt an extra special bond with him after years of helping him fight terrible diseases.  He was a precious member of our family for 16 years.  I feel a void like none I've ever felt.  I can't cope with this, I'm devastated.... 

Arriving home after letting Buddy go, I collapsed on the kitchen floor.  Buddy is everywhere here!  I'm hallucinating... I see him laying over here, walking over there.  I reached to fill his dish at dinnertime.  Such emptiness, loss, pain.... Sal and I are leaning on each other, sharing memories.

Lung X-rays taken while he was in the hospital this week revealed that his cancer had returned.  Another lung tumor, plus tumors had spread to his spine, and were fracturing it.  I was sobbing and Sal had to continue speaking with the vet.  How could this be happening? Cancer was ravaging Buddy's adorable little body.  He was so full of miracles all along, living longer (and better!) than many predicted, but he had no more miracles left in him.  Buddy died in the same hospital where his life was miraculously saved by cancer surgery over 4 years ago.

Actually, Buddy did have one more miracle for us!  Buddy was always so affectionate, giving lots of kisses, especially if he sensed we were upset.  But, in his final months, his kisses waned... he was a tired old man who preferred just to cuddle.  Then, out of nowhere yesterday, shortly before he passed away, he looked at me and Sal and gave each of us 3 kisses !!!!  I can still picture Sal's stunned face!  Such a tender and special memory that Sal and I will CHERISH forever !!!  Buddy was saying good-bye.

One of the ICU veterinarians spent time with us and freely shared her sympathy in Buddy's final hours and moments.  She cried with us... we felt blessed by her compassion on one of the worst days of our lives.

Buddy had several bottles of prescription medicines leftover.  Because they're expensive, I was hoping they could help another animal in need.  In Buddy's memory, I donated his medicines to the hospital, for anyone in financial need with a critically ill animal companion.

Sal and I must turn our attention to Aruba.  She's grieving too, wandering around the house looking for Buddy... it's heartbreaking.  Her fur is soaking wet from my tears.  When we rescued Aruba, Buddy was about 2 years old, and we were unsure how he'd react to a new (canine) member of the family.  But as always, Buddy had a loving spirit!  He welcomed her tenderly, altho he was quite befuddled by her obsession with his toys... she had never seen toys before and went nuts over them!

Thank you for sharing in my grief, for letting me ramble on.  Thank you for all of your love and prayers for Buddy through all of his illnesses.  It meant so very much !!

Good-bye, sweet Buddy.  Please wait for us in Heaven.  I love you !!!!!